life as it is...

I haven't written anything personal in awhile, and since I'm in need of venting my frustrations and no one really reads this anyway, I figured I'd post something new.

About a month and a half ago the security guard stole my laptop from a locked room, and very early in the morning. I won't go into details but I'm 110% positive it was him. He no longer works at school, and neither does his brother. Security (the other ones) have been pretty good with helping out, and the case is now in the hands of Beverly police. Honestly, I don't have much hope for getting it back. My problem now is having a machine to do work on. My boss at school is letting me use his Dell for schoolwork and such (I'm typing on it at the moment), but he's leaving soon. My mom, who was paying for my laptop, doesn't yet know what happened. I'm admittedly pretty worried about telling her, I already see where the conversation will go. While it really wasn't my fault at all, and I've had numerous people tell me that, it won't matter, I'll still get blamed and have the guilt trips for days. So, because I'm a procrastinator I haven't told them yet.

I'm now working for both my school and at a design firm. It's for my internship, but a paying one. I can say for the first time I actually enjoy going to work. When I'm working on stuff that drives me crazy I just want to go home, but I really enjoy doing what I'm doing, and I'm glad I chose the right career path for myself. It's a print firm, and we design mostly newsletters, books and marketing stuff, with an occasional odd project thrown in. I'm not sure what will happen after my hours are up, I kinda hope that I stay on and work there for awhile, we'll see. At school I just work a couple hours a week, updating the Macs in the photo and senior design labs, clean stuff up, etcetc. I found out this week that some people above me are leaving, which leaves a potential for gaining hours as well as potential job after I graduate. Again, we'll see.

About Macy, she's plugging along. I have a lot of work to do, the cam still ticks, but she's still getting me where I need to go. She ticked over 160k miles a week ago, and there's 16k less on the motor and trans. Third gear is completely gone, which kinda makes shifting a pain in the ass, so I'm just 1-2-4-5 shifting. I'd like to get the spare trans rebuilt with the LSD, but due to money constraints I don't think that's happening for awhile. I put the winter wheels on with newer Blizzaks on the back, but I still have to get some winter tires for the front. I also need to get the sway bar on, replace the tie rods and CV shafts. I'm planning on creating a blog specifically for my car though, since I always have something new.

School...well...meh. I ended up withdrawing from Art History awhile ago since there was not a chance in hell I would've passed. Instead I'm taking it again next year, as well as some other classes. I won't graduate with the rest of the '09 crew, but I'll finish up in the summer. It really won't make much difference with me since I'm planning on going back to Beverly soon anyway. I'm working on something for semester I'm pretty happy with, once I finish it. Client projects is going well, and I'm in it again next semester, and Science, yeah anyway.

I hate where I'm living. Well that's a strong statement I guess. If I really hated it I'd spend as much time as I could in Beverly at both school and people's houses. Anyone who knows me lately will find irony in that. I'm looking into moving back to Beverly soon. I have the luxury of having a place to live comfortably while I'm looking, so it's not like I'm desperate, and I know a few people who are looking for apartments that are roommate-acceptable. But seriously, I'm tired of the commute, and it's only going to get worse as the snow comes; I'm tired of never having privacy, or not feeling weird if I have people over; I'm tired of the fucking notes. People leaving notes where I live is a pet peeve of mine. It's one thing to leave a note with where you're going, that's fine, but don't leave a note reminding to do something I already did or something not to do I never did in the first place. I find it demeaning; you see me everyday, open your mouth and say something.

Dating...sucks. I've been dating quite a bit, more than I ever have, since I broke up with Chris in May. I've met some amazing guys at the wrong times, and the wrong guys at the right time. I'm sick of being single but I'm also tired of dating people I'm not both physically and emotionally attracted to. It doesn't help that I'm also completely insecure with myself...how I look, how I act, how I come across to other people, and how I'm a horrible person in so many ways. I know that I'm exaggerating myself but I can't deny it's things I feel sometimes. This also ties into living so far from "home" since I'm ridiculously lonely half the time here. I don't have a problem at all meeting people. Since freshman year I've done a complete 180 in my personality, at least as far as being outgoing and all that. I remember back then I'd rarely talk to anyone, I felt like a moron at school, and that there was no way I belonged there. And now...it's where I belong. Anywhere else and I would've dropped out. Montserrat and Beverly is my home, I plan on being here as long as I can afford to. In the past year I've made more friends than in my previous three years, now why the hell would I move away from that?

I broke my phone today. I was messing with it, like I always do with things I want to understand more, and I took it all apart and couldn't put it back together. The new piece was already paid for and in the mail courtesy of ebay. My phone is amazing, other than that. Though sometimes I hate technology because it just doesn't work.

I've been neglecting the car club. I feel really bad since I've been so busy with other stuff, since the club is my baby and all, but priorities are priorities. The club forum is down and I have no idea how to fix it...a project for the break I suppose.

I need to start writing in this more. Well that was a synopsis of my life for the past couple months, updates as I see fit.

- Ashley